Well if there isn’t snow on the ground today, just in time for our Lake WhaddyathinImean Santy Claus Parade and Fruit Cake Bake-off, don’tcha know.
Why right now, Twindle Mumbly is putting the last bit of topping on his 64-ingredient Santa’s-Gonna-Get-Fatter award-winning treat. How he gets all that in there is beyond ol’ Maybelle, but he’s been our top Lake W bake-off Meister ever since Scotch Burbun drowned in his own 100 proof rum-soaked fruit cake.
Why, bells are a-ringing, tinsel’s a-flyin’, and the little ones are putting extra stamps on their cards and letters to the big guy in the red suit.
But best of all…every body here in Lake WhaddyathinkImean is making presents for the wee ones just in case Santa has to lay off some of his elves and reindeer, don’tcha know.
Why even Vilma Yuccch has been tie-dying blue jeans and running shoes in sizes Really Teeny to Humungus, the biggest bein’ for Bogart, don’tcha know. Course being a bear and all, he probably won’t want to wear anything on his feet, although he does like flopping around in sandals in the cottage. But her psycho-dellic blue jeans just might tickle his fanny…especially if they’re too tight.
And how lucky we are having Vilma’s heartthrob, Officer Stanley Penelope McBottom, making all kinds of presents with his amazing new invention, the Stanley McBottom Bigger-Than-Anything-You-Can-Imagine-And-Then-Some machine.
Why right after the Santy Claus Parade, we’re all going to the Fruit Cake Bake-off INSIDE a ginger bread house! That’s right. McB, believing that anything is possible, turned a regular size fully decorated gingerbread house into the size of our Lake W curling rink, don’tcha know. Course he had to replace the jelly bean door knob with a real one cause it was too big to turn.
And oh, the sweet smell of it! Gingerbread walls, gingerbread ceiling, gingerbread floor. Just hope the kids don’t start eating it before the snow lets up.
As for the parade….Beanpole Starkman’s Tiger Moth biplane is aiming to be a sure-fire hit! Why he got Jeremy Cullers’ son, Jeremiah, and his friends, Nicholby and Ransom to help him paint and decorate it, don’tcha know. And with the help of Officer McB’s other new invention, the Stanley McBottom Tiger Moth Biplane Christmas Decoration Machine they’ve got a gazillion lights twinkling, twirling, and singing “Santa Baby!”
Now you all know ol’ Maybelle’s a gal who thinks a glass of milk is half full not half empty…well, there’s one more thing that’s making my heart pop. Twindle Mumbly’s twin brother, Stix Tooya, drummer with the rock group, Gastritis, and his whole band are here to play “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” at our Lake W tree lighting ceremony just before the parade starts on Main Street. And I can hardly wait to see them.
Gastritis’ bass player, Cliff Hanger, keyboard player, Bow Wow Epstein, guitarist, Shlemmy Kugelblintz, and my good friend, lead singer, Beans Bendel will all be there.
Hello very much.
Beans??? Oh my goodyness, Beans Bendel is here. How did you get in here?
Through that little door there.
Why I was just writing about you in my column.
Well that is making me very happy, because I came here to wish you very much happiness in this holly jolly season and fruit cake that makes your eyes glow.
Why thank you, Beans. And may all your chapattis be big ones.
And to all of you who are reading this right now … may your heart be as warm as pudding, your feet be as warm as toast, and may you know the peace and joy of kind words and an extended hand…yours, don’tcha know.