Monthly Archives: September 2010

Yer best expert? YOU! don’tcha know

I’ll tell you what makes ol’ Maybelle’s blood boil. It’s so-called experts telling folks things that just aren’t true. I’m talking about major general-citations, don’tcha know.

Like: Everybody needs to get SEVEN hours of sleep a night. Wait a minute!


You? Me? Vilma Yuccch? Officer Stanley Penelope McBottom? Beanpole Starkman? Stix Tooya? Beans Bendel? Brad Pitt? Angelina Jolly? Everyone in the Lake WhaddyathinkImean telephone book? And everybody on our whole planet including Bogart?

I don’t think so.

Why we’re all as different as a bee and a porpoise. A rooster and a BMW.

Lindsay Lohan and common sense, don’tcha know.

We may all be part of the same flock with red blood runnin’ through our arteriors. And we may all have one nose, two eyes, and a belly that sags when we let it … but we’re NOT a flock of sheep, we’re humans. Un-numbered, free-spirited IN-DEE-VI-DUALS.

Why when poor Vilma read about some “expert” saying she needed SEVEN hours of sleep, the poor girl thought she was going to expire like spoilt milk. You see, Vilma was good fer sleepin’ a whole EIGHT hours a night. Now, she can’t sleep a wink from worryin’ about sleepin’ TOO MUCH!

Who are these people? Where do they come up with these wild procrastinations?

Uh, protestations? Hibernations? Oh you get my drift.

Then there are these so-called experts who tell us salt’s bad fer you. Well, fer some folks it probably is. But, just like us humans, not ALL salt is the same.

You got yer refined table salt that’s had all the good stuff taken out of it, then bleached, and other things added to it. And you got yer natural sea salts. All kinds of ‘em, including Himalayan organic salt that’s chuck full of minerals that our body needs, don’tcha know.

Too bad so much of the bleached kind is put into so many of our packaged foods. So you got to make sure yer not only reading BETWEEN the lines, yer reading the lines THEMSELVES!

Same with coffee. Now they’re saying it may lower yer risk of liver and colon cancer. And that’s peachy keen. But seein’ as how caffeine stays in yer system fer up to 12 HOURS … some folks, like yers truly, would be the rooster wakin’ up Lake WhaddyathinkImean at TWO O’CLOCK in the morning!

Why I can’t help but think that some of these “experts” must think we’re just plain stupid! Well, ol’ Maybelle will have none of it. I’ll make up my own mind, thank you. And when it comes to how much sleep I am needing or what I should or shouldn’t be eating…

Why the last time I slept seven hours I felt like I was swimming through molasses the whole next day. You see, I’m good with SIX hours sleep a night. Seven and you might as well plant me in the ground and water my head.

Coffee doesn’t agree with me neither. Why the last time I drank coffee I couldn’t stop blabbing through the music on my radio show and I stayed up all night watching the numbers on my blood pressure gizmo bounce up and down like the Dow Jones, don’tcha know.

As fer eatin’ salt, I stick to what’s natural and in small amounts. And my body likes it.

Now that’s just me. And that’s my point.  I listen to my OWN body. Cause I figure…if I’m feeling full of life and free of aches and ughs, then I must be doin’ something right. If I’m not, I follow my late Auntie Hester’s advice and surf the Net.

And boy if I don’t find all kinds of information that gives me a good circumspection, don’tcha know. Sure, I show it to my doctor. But the bottom line is … it’s what makes sense to ME that counts.

After all, who knows how ol’ Maybelle’s feeling better than ol’ Maybelle?

Til next time, keep smiling. And if you can’t crack a smile, then crack a joke. Why THAT’s good fer EVERY BODY, don’tcha know.

Nightie night.


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Look! Heroes in our own backyard!

I don’t know about you, but ol’ Maybelle’s gettin’ plum impatient with the likes of Tom Cruising, Angelina Jolly, and Bruce Willyuss gettin’ all the attention fer being action heroes in the movies when we’ve got REAL action heroes right here in Lake WhaddyathinkImean, don’tcha know.

Like my good friend, Vilma Yuccch.

Why even when she’s busy with her tie-dye sleeves business, she’s busy bein’ a volunteer firefighter. That’s right! Vilma’s got a walkie talky contrapulation stuck to the end of her arm. Why that girl’s on call 24/7!

Sure it kin ring smack in the middle of kissing her significant smother, uh, OTHER…Officer Stanley Penelope McBottom. But a call fer help, and Vilma’s there in a nano-second. And oh boy, is McBottom ever proud of her.

Twindle Mumbly volunteers, too. Why he kin be taxidermy-ing a cow when his emergency contrapulation goes off. And sure enough, if he doesn’t jump into his volunteer emergency ambulance right out back of his B&B and Taxidermy to take somebody to a heli-port or hospitable, don’tcha know.

Even Beanpole Starkman volunteers. Why every fall he drives his Tiger Moth bi-plane down Main Street in the Thanksgiving parade…as a FLOAT! And oh how the kids roar when they see a real live scarecrow driving it.

Then there are all those folks who give their time sprucing up the village with flowers, pumpkins, and cornstalks each year. Just thinking about all that organizing makes ol’ Maybelle’s eyes swirl.

And how about the Lake WhaddyathinkImean Leegion gals who make the best finger sandwiches and hot meals, cakes and cookies fer community socials and the like.

And the folks who sort and sell things at the Lily Ann. Who bring supplies to the food bank. Who paddle their canoe at the award-winning volunteer radio station in Holyburton. Who do a gazillion helpful things at all of our Lake W events.

And just think about all the Lake WhaddyathinkImean-tonians who play in the Wind Simfanny, the Swingin’ Band, and who act in our summer plays.

Why you shoulda seen Officer McB and Vilma Yuccch in Streetcar Called Desirable. Him yelling: Stellaaaaaaaaa! And Vilma forgetting being in a play and yelling back: Stanley, it’s VILMA!!!  The audience sure liked that.

And good ol’ Liam McDougal from the post office.  He gave Dustin Hofferman a run fer his money in Phantom of the Oprah. Or was it Death of a Salesperson?

Plus the good folks who make people smile at our Lake W retirement home and hospitable…storytelling, strumming guitars, or just talking to folks who have nobody else to talk to.

You might say, Maybelle, it sounds like practically everybody in Lake W is a volunteer.  And I’d be saying… it’s a real come-UNITY here. Lots of people taking turns being each other’s best friend, uh…HERO!

Now, if I sound a bit gushy it’s just cause I’m proud to be where the REAL action heroes are alive and well and living…right here in Lake WhaddaythinkImean!

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