Yer best expert? YOU! don’tcha know

I’ll tell you what makes ol’ Maybelle’s blood boil. It’s so-called experts telling folks things that just aren’t true. I’m talking about major general-citations, don’tcha know.

Like: Everybody needs to get SEVEN hours of sleep a night. Wait a minute!


You? Me? Vilma Yuccch? Officer Stanley Penelope McBottom? Beanpole Starkman? Stix Tooya? Beans Bendel? Brad Pitt? Angelina Jolly? Everyone in the Lake WhaddyathinkImean telephone book? And everybody on our whole planet including Bogart?

I don’t think so.

Why we’re all as different as a bee and a porpoise. A rooster and a BMW.

Lindsay Lohan and common sense, don’tcha know.

We may all be part of the same flock with red blood runnin’ through our arteriors. And we may all have one nose, two eyes, and a belly that sags when we let it … but we’re NOT a flock of sheep, we’re humans. Un-numbered, free-spirited IN-DEE-VI-DUALS.

Why when poor Vilma read about some “expert” saying she needed SEVEN hours of sleep, the poor girl thought she was going to expire like spoilt milk. You see, Vilma was good fer sleepin’ a whole EIGHT hours a night. Now, she can’t sleep a wink from worryin’ about sleepin’ TOO MUCH!

Who are these people? Where do they come up with these wild procrastinations?

Uh, protestations? Hibernations? Oh you get my drift.

Then there are these so-called experts who tell us salt’s bad fer you. Well, fer some folks it probably is. But, just like us humans, not ALL salt is the same.

You got yer refined table salt that’s had all the good stuff taken out of it, then bleached, and other things added to it. And you got yer natural sea salts. All kinds of ‘em, including Himalayan organic salt that’s chuck full of minerals that our body needs, don’tcha know.

Too bad so much of the bleached kind is put into so many of our packaged foods. So you got to make sure yer not only reading BETWEEN the lines, yer reading the lines THEMSELVES!

Same with coffee. Now they’re saying it may lower yer risk of liver and colon cancer. And that’s peachy keen. But seein’ as how caffeine stays in yer system fer up to 12 HOURS … some folks, like yers truly, would be the rooster wakin’ up Lake WhaddyathinkImean at TWO O’CLOCK in the morning!

Why I can’t help but think that some of these “experts” must think we’re just plain stupid! Well, ol’ Maybelle will have none of it. I’ll make up my own mind, thank you. And when it comes to how much sleep I am needing or what I should or shouldn’t be eating…

Why the last time I slept seven hours I felt like I was swimming through molasses the whole next day. You see, I’m good with SIX hours sleep a night. Seven and you might as well plant me in the ground and water my head.

Coffee doesn’t agree with me neither. Why the last time I drank coffee I couldn’t stop blabbing through the music on my radio show and I stayed up all night watching the numbers on my blood pressure gizmo bounce up and down like the Dow Jones, don’tcha know.

As fer eatin’ salt, I stick to what’s natural and in small amounts. And my body likes it.

Now that’s just me. And that’s my point.  I listen to my OWN body. Cause I figure…if I’m feeling full of life and free of aches and ughs, then I must be doin’ something right. If I’m not, I follow my late Auntie Hester’s advice and surf the Net.

And boy if I don’t find all kinds of information that gives me a good circumspection, don’tcha know. Sure, I show it to my doctor. But the bottom line is … it’s what makes sense to ME that counts.

After all, who knows how ol’ Maybelle’s feeling better than ol’ Maybelle?

Til next time, keep smiling. And if you can’t crack a smile, then crack a joke. Why THAT’s good fer EVERY BODY, don’tcha know.

Nightie night.


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